2016 was spent building things and making plans for the future. We put down foundations in this place and that. It was a good year for us, even though it seemed to overall be a bad year for everyone else. 2017 isn’t shaping up to be so great. The plans I made are crumbling around me. Nothing is working out very well, with the huge exception of yoga teacher training.
This could have gone either way. I was worried about having to deal with bright and bouncy people, or with yoga snobs. I was worried about the general atmosphere of the place. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to physically keep up. I wasn’t worried about keeping up with the reading. But people are friendly, everyone is very different, the studio is extremely peaceful, the teachers are incredibly kind, and I’m able to keep pace. I feel like I belong there, which isn’t a feeling I get very often.
The teacher training course came at a perfect time, as these things often do. Yoga helps us learn to let go of things that aren’t working. So many of the things we put in place in 2016 aren’t working, or aren’t working out. Some of these things have been in place for almost my entire life. How sad is it when we realize that those life-long things are no longer working? How do we get passed that? How do we mourn this loss? And it is a great loss. If nothing else, I have a happy, positive presence to focus on. There are kind people to interact with, lessons to learn, books to read, asanas to try, philosophy to absorb.
I have to put an old life to bed and start a new. But when that new life involves nothing but yoga and family, it gives me a feeling of calm contentment. Not hope, but something more neutral. I’m happy with neutral.